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时间:2017年12月18日 20:52:28

A few years ago, Brandon Green was sitting on the couch, brooding over a small mistake he#39;d made at work and the likely consequences. His roommate walked in and began telling him about something funny that happened to him that day. Mr. Green didn#39;t chuckle or even smile. He scowled and said nothing. 几年前的一天,布兰登·格林(Brandon Green)坐在沙发上,琢磨着他在工作中犯的一个小错和可能酿成的后果。这时格林的室友走进来,开始跟他讲那天他遇到的趣事。但格林并没有笑出声来,甚至连微笑也没有。他只是皱着眉头,一言不发。That#39;s when his roommate offered Mr. Green some valuable analysis: #39;Never mind,#39; he said. #39;You#39;re just not a happy person.#39; Rachel Aranda 格林当时格林的室友对他做了一番很有价值的分析。他说:“没关系,你不笑只是因为你不是一个快乐的人。”#39;Something happened to me in that moment,#39; says Mr. Green, a 29-year-old Web analyst from Los Angeles. #39;I realized I could continue blaming the world, as I had been, or I could try something different.#39; 29岁的格林来自洛杉矶,是一名网络分析师,他说:“当时我悟到了些什么。我意识到自己可以继续像从前那样怨天尤人,也可以尝试做些改变。”Is it possible to significantly alter your personality? Experts say you can -- but it isn#39;t easy. 人的性格有没有可能明显改变?专家说可以——只是很难。Several large research studies conducted over the past few years show that a person#39;s personality naturally changes over the course of adulthood, in response to life events such as entering a committed relationship or advancing in a career. 过去几年展开的几项大型研究显示,受生活事件影响(比如形成稳定的恋爱关系或者在职业生涯中取得进展),人的性格会在成年的过程中自然地发生变化。From the ages of 20 to 65, people report increases in positive traits, such as conscientiousness, and decreases in negative traits, such as neuroticism. Most people tend to become more agreeable, more responsible, more emotionally stable -- in other words, their personalities improve. Psychologists call it the Maturity Principle. 图表:随年龄变化的性格特征从20岁到65岁,责任性等正面性格特征会增强,而神经质等负面性格特征则会减弱。大多数人往往会变得更随和,更有责任感,情绪也更稳定——换句话说就是,他们的性格会变好。心理学家将这种现象称为“成熟定律”(Maturity Principle)。Researchers have also long known that friendly, outgoing, responsible people tend to be happier than shy, irresponsible, unsociable people. But in a new twist with lots of ramifications for therapists, researchers have learned that being happy to begin with may help change your personality. 研究人员很早以前就发现,友善、开朗、有责任感的人往往比害羞、没有责任感和不爱交际的人更快乐。但一项新的研究显示,保持快乐的心情也许有助于改变你的性格,这项新突破可能会对心理治疗师产生诸多影响。A study published online in January in the Journal of Personality analyzed personality and well-being data from more than 16,000 Australians who were surveyed repeatedly between 2005 and 2009. The researchers found people who were happy in 2005 tended to become more emotionally stable, more conscientious, more agreeable and -- perhaps most intriguingly -- more introverted over the next four years. 今年1月份刊登在《人格研究杂志》(Journal of Personality)网络版上的一项研究对逾16,000名澳大利亚人的性格和幸福感数据进行了分析,这些研究对象在2005年到2009年期间接受了多次调查。研究者发现,2005年感到快乐的人在接下来的四年里情绪往往变得更稳定,更有责任感,更随和,另外最有意思的一点也许是,他们还变得更加内敛。When researchers talk about #39;personality,#39; they mean a #39;characteristic pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving that is consistent over time and across situations,#39; says Christopher Soto, a research psychologist and director of the Colby Personality Lab at Colby University in Waterville, Maine, who was the researcher on the happiness study. Personality is about 50% innate and 50% learned, he says. 五步改变你的性格专家们表示,改变性格与减肥很像。要想有所改变,就需要有意识地坚持一些行为,让它们最终形成习惯。这一过程可能痛苦而尴尬,但却是心理成熟的必由之路。1. 弄清楚改变哪些性格特征对你最有利。在你的职业生涯或个人生活中,是否存在一种冲突模式或负面反馈?2.尝试领悟你在这种模式中所扮演的角色,从你自己的行为着手。辨别在你看来给你造成最多麻烦的行为,并努力改变这种行为。3.从一点一滴做起。改变始于一个行为,因此,先驾驭一项行为,再尝试改变另一项行为。别指望能在一天、一周、一个月甚至一年之内彻底改变你的性格。4.持之以恒。回顾你的取得的进展,为自己提供积极的心理强化。有一些退步是很正常的。如果出现一些小问题,不要过分纠结于此。继续为你的目标而努力就好。5. 在你的新行为形成习惯之后,再找出一个新的、更重要的领域进行改进。缅因州沃特维尔(Waterville)科尔比学院(Colby College)心理学研究员、科尔比人格实验室(Colby Personality Lab)负责人克里斯托弗·索托(Christopher Soto)参与了这项有关幸福感的研究,他表示,研究人员所说的“性格”是指“在不同时间和场合下始终保持一致的思维、感觉和行为特征模式”。他说,性格50%是天生的,50%取决于后天。According to the Big Five personality model, developed by several sets of researchers starting in the 1940s, the human personality can be divided into five broad categories or domains -- openness, conscientiousness, agreeableness, neuroticism and extroversion (also spelled extraversion). 根据大五性格模型(Big Five personality model),人的性格可划分为五大类别或范畴,分别是开放性、尽责性、亲和性、神经质和外向性。该模型是几批研究者从上世纪40年代开始建立起来的。Within each category are specific traits and behaviors. Extroversion, for example, encompasses traits such as gregariousness and warmth. Neuroticism includes anger, anxiety and vulnerability. 每大类别中都包括一些特征和特定行为。比方说,外向性中包括合群和热情等特征。神经质中则包括愤怒、焦虑和脆弱。Some personality types are more successful than others, experts say. People who are more conscientious tend to do better in the workplace and school, Dr. Soto says. People who score high on agreeableness and low on neuroticism tend to have more satisfying and stable relationships. Extroverts do better in social and entrepreneurial occupations. 专家们称,一些性格类型的人会比其他人更成功。索托士说,比较尽责的人在职场和学校里往往表现更出色。亲和度高、情绪稳定的人往往拥有更满意、更稳定的恋爱关系。外向型者则更擅长从事人际交往和创业方面的工作。Good news/bad news: Even small changes in a person#39;s personality can produce important effects on relationships, career, health and happiness, Dr. Soto says. But because personality characteristics are, by definition, relatively stable, change takes time. 索托士说,人的性格哪怕只出现稍许变化,也会对感情、职业、健康和幸福产生重大影响。这个消息可谓是喜忧参半。但由于性格特征从本质上来说是比较稳定的,改变起来会需要很长时间。#39;You start by changing the behavior and then, if you can maintain that new behavior over time, it gets encoded,#39; Dr. Soto says. Work with a therapist and you could see lasting changes in a matter of months, he says. You can learn to manage your personality traits on your own, too. It just takes longer. 索托说:“你应该从改变行为做起,接下来,如果你能长期保持这种新行为,这种行为就会被锁定下来。”他说,如果能获得心理治疗师的指导,你可以在几个月之内看到持续的变化。你也可以学着自己管理你的性格特征,只是要花费比较长的时间。Where do you start? #39;First, we have to recognize which pieces of our personality affect us,#39; says Richard Levak, a Del Mar, Calif., psychologist. #39;If I am a grouchy, argumentative, slightly suspicious type, and I am always getting fired because I get into arguments with co-workers and always blame others, then I have to realize that I have to change something.#39; 那么,你应该从哪做起呢?加州德尔马(Del Mar)的心理学家理查德·莱瓦克(Richard Levak)表示:“首先,我们必须认识到性格中有哪些因素对我们构成了影响。如果我爱发牢骚,好争辩,还有点多疑,我总是因为跟同事吵架,老是责怪别人而被解雇,那我就必须意识到得改变一下。”Think about a bad habit like overeating, Dr. Levak says. To lose weight, you become aware of when and why you overeat. #39;If you have a tendency to be defensive and want to fight, you tell yourself, #39;OK, when my boss comes to talk to me and I immediately feel I am being judged and want to protect myself, I am overreacting,#39; #39; Dr. Levak says. #39;Calm yourself down and don#39;t argue.#39; 莱瓦克说,这和纠正暴饮暴食这种坏习惯相似。要想减肥,你就得认识到自己什么时候以及为什么会暴饮暴食。莱瓦克士表示:“如果你有戒心过重和好斗的倾向,你就要对自己说:‘好的,当我老板过来跟我说话,而我立马感觉老板在挑我的刺,想要自我防卫的话,那我就是反应过激了。’让自己冷静下来,不要争吵。”Don#39;t set expectations too high. Be patient. It takes a long time for an intentional behavior to become second nature, Dr. Soto says. Don#39;t worry too much about other people#39;s reactions because usually you are changing in a way that pleases them. 不要把期望值定得太高。耐心一些。索托士说,要把一种有意为之的行为变成习惯,需要花费很长时间。不要太担心其他人的反应,因为你的变化通常是他们乐于见到的。Warren Kennaugh, a behavioral strategist in Sydney, Australia, who helps individuals and teams develop successful behaviors, says it#39;s important to start small. Identify a first step and then practice it, without worrying about the initial results. #39;It#39;s like learning to kick a football,#39; he says. #39;You focus on the steps, not whether it goes in the goal.#39; 澳大利亚悉尼的行为策略师沃伦·肯诺(Warren Kennaugh)帮助个人和团队培养有助成功的行为,他说,从小处做起非常重要。确定你第一步要做什么,然后进行练习,不要担心最初的结果。他说:“这就像学踢足球一样。你关注的是脚法,而不是能否射门。”He says you should let the people close to you know what you#39;re doing. #39;Not only can they be supportive,#39; he says, #39;but a change for you can also mean a change for them -- one they may not want or be y for, if they aren#39;t told prior.#39; 肯诺说,应该让身边的人知道你在做什么。他表示:“他们不仅能为你提供持,而且你的改变也意味着他们的改变——如果你不事先告诉他们的话,他们也许不想要或者没有准备好接受这些变化。”Brandon Green says he had to agree with his roommate#39;s assessment of his personality. For as long as he could remember, he says, he had felt negative, frustrated and #39;drawn inward.#39; Often he struggled with feelings of jealousy and anger, and he avoided romantic relationships to protect himself from these feelings. An introvert, he wasn#39;t comfortable in social situations. 格林说,他不得不承认室友对他性格的评价是正确的。他说,自打记事以来,他一直都有种消极感和挫败感,“孤僻内向”。他经常挣扎在嫉妒和愤怒感中,为保护自己免受这些感觉困扰,他会刻意回避恋爱关系。作为一个内向的人,他在社交场合也会感到不舒。He started with therapy. He went to cognitive behavioral therapy twice a week, then once a week, for about 18 months. He self-help books and wrote in a journal -- sometimes up to 1 1/2 hours a night -- recording and analyzing his perceptions. He took up photography, which got him out and talking to people. And he blogged about his efforts with the goal of helping others. 于是格林开始接受心理治疗。他总共进行了18个月左右的认知行为疗法,刚开始是一周两次,然后一周一次。他阅读心理自助书籍,并在日记中记录和分析他的感想(有时候他一晚上会花一个半小时写日记)。他开始摄影,这项爱好能让他走出去跟人聊天。他还通过客记录他所做的努力,以期帮助别人。Most helpful, Mr. Green says, was learning to question his negative view of the world. He learned to do this in the moment -- when someone cut him off in traffic, for example -- and at calm moments when he could reflect on things that caused him stress. #39;If you are more negative, you have a feeling that bad stuff can happen at every turn,#39; he says. #39;You have to question if that is just coming from you because you are living through a sour lens.#39; 格林说,对他帮助最大的是学习去质疑自己消极的世界观。无论是在某些特定时刻(比如开车时有人挡了他的道)还是在冷静的时候(当他可以反思给他带来压力的事情时),他都会试着自我质疑。他说:“如果你比较消极,感觉坏事随时随地都会发生,你就得自问这些是否都是源自你自己,因为你是带着一种消极的心态在生活。”Mr. Green sees a big change in himself. He is still introverted, he says, but more comfortable interacting with others, sharing information about himself and making friends. 格林在自己身上看到了很大的变化。他说,他依然内向,但已经可以比较轻松地与人交流,分享与自己相关的信息和结交朋友了。#39;Being introspective and attempting to be honest with myself and others has helped me greatly in becoming a happier, more outgoing person,#39; he says. 他说:“学会内省,努力以诚待人待己,这些对我帮助很大,让我逐渐变成一个更快乐,更开朗的人。” /201405/294053

Although Japan is not often considered the best place for sexual equality, steps are definitely being taken in the right direction. More and more women are trailblazing lifelong careers in not always hospitable corporate environments and forgoing more traditional routes such as marriage and becoming a full-time homemaker.虽然日本不是性别平等的理想之地,但是它正朝着正确的方向迈出步伐。越来越多的女性放弃了结婚成为全职家庭主妇的传统路线,开拓性的选择终身从业(即使工作环境可能不友好)。But sometimes this comes at the cost of getting married and starting a family. While some women are perfectly fine with this, others will no doubt feel the occasional pang of regret when they consider that they never had a chance to get all dressed up and be the center of attention for the day like many of their friends and family.但有时这要以牺牲结婚、无法建立家庭为代价。有些女性可以泰然接受,而对于另一些人,当她们想到没有机会像朋友和家人那样完美打扮成为婚礼焦点时,无疑会感到后悔难过。That’s why Kyoto-based company Cerca Travel has set up a service providing all the glamor of a wedding without any of the commitment in what they call a “Solo Wedding.” That’s right: women can now have the full wedding day experience without actually having to get hitched.这就是为什么位于京都的Cerca旅游公司推出了这项提供所有婚礼的魅力但却没有任何承诺的“单人婚礼”务。没错:女性现在可以不必结婚就拥有一次完整的婚礼经历了。A Solo Wedding is a two-day excursion where clients spend the night in a hotel as they go in for dress fittings, bouquet design, hair and make-up, and even a full photo shoot. Each of these services is handled by a professional in the industry and done with the same level of quality and attention to detail as a real wedding ceremony.单人婚礼是一个为期两天的短途旅行,客户在晚间入住旅馆,在这里,公司会为其适配礼、设计花束、盘发和化妆,甚至拍摄一套完整的照片。就像真正的婚礼仪式一样,这里的每一项务都由业内的专家来处理,质量上乘,注重细节。When she’s all done up, the tour coordinator will take the solo bride to some beautiful Kyoto backdrops which complement her appearance for a commemorative photo shoot. If wedding dresses aren’t your cup of champagne, Cerca Travel can also set you up with one of the many other historical dress-up tours around Kyoto such as putting on Geisha make-up and clothes. There is also an option to have a decorative man between the ages of 20 and 70 to pose alongside you, but reportedly none of the 10 women who have enjoyed the Solo Wedding experience since Cerca began offering it in June this year have opted to do so, instead focusing on making the day all about them.当新娘准备就绪后,旅游协调员将会带这位单人新娘去京都美景胜地拍摄纪念照。倘若婚纱礼不是你的菜,Cerca旅游还可以为你另行安排京都许多其他历史装扮,例如艺伎的妆容和饰。新娘还有一个选择权,即她可以选择一个20-70岁之间的男性象征性的站在旁边拍照。然而据报道,自从今年6月提供这项选择到现在,享受过单人婚礼的10位女性都没有选择这样做,而是选择在这一天专注于自己。Cerca Travel’s website has some testimonies from past solo-brides:Cerca旅游网站上一些单人新娘的留言:“It really felt like a dream. I didn’t really care about the wedding dress because I was married and had children aly.” [divorcee in 50s]“这真的感觉像做梦一样。我真的不关心婚纱,因为我曾经结过婚并且已经有了孩子。”“That was the best!! I feel great! I’m dating a guy but have totally put off the pain that is getting married. I always wanted to wear a wedding dress and I didn’t want to regret it, but I also didn’t want to pester my boyfriend.” [single in 30s]“这是最好的!我感觉棒极了!我正和一个家伙约会,但是已完全摆脱了要结婚的痛苦。我一直想穿婚纱,我不想后悔,但我也不想让我的男朋友烦恼。”“Thank you for the other day. My childhood dream came true at 38…! It really was like a dream.” [single in 30s]“谢谢这一天。我儿时的梦想终于在38岁实现了!这真像做梦一样。”There are a variety of packages to choose from, but since the cheapest starts at around 300,000 yen, just like a real wedding this may be something that you’ll only want to do once.这项务有多种套餐可供选择,但是由于起价高达30万日元左右,就像真正的婚礼一样,你也许只想经历一次。It goes without saying that this vacation is probably not for everyone, as whether this is a glamorous weekend out or depressing reminder of one’s relationship status really just depends on the individual’s state of mind. Ultimately, though, we see nothing wrong with a woman taking a couple of days to be fussed over, and if there’s a company out there willing to do just that, why not do a little (okay, a lot of) selfish spending?不用说,这个假期很可能并不适合所有人,因为这可能是个迷人的周末,也可能令人沮丧地提示着一个人的婚姻状况,这些都取决于个人的心理状态。不过说到底,我们看到的没有错,让一个女人受宠若惊几天,如果有一个公司愿意做到这一点,那么为什么不为自己多花一点(好吧,许多)钱呢? /201411/339907


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